mamapranayama (mamapranayama) wrote,

SPN Fic: The Product of Boredom

Title: the Product of Boredom
Author: mamapranayama 
Genre: Gen
Category: humor
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Word Count: ~800
Summary: Takes place between Season 2 'Nightshifter' and 'Houses of the Holy'. Sam loves his mayo and Dean loves his magic fingers.

Written for mercuryblue144 's prompt in the spn_bigpretzel comment fic meme that simply states 'Prank war' and this now is the first installment to the the Prank Wars Round Robin Challenge.

The Product of Boredom

Sam walked in the room, holding two bags full of burgers and two sodas from the greasy spoon across the street then closed the door with the heel of his boot and slammed it shut, the noise serving to announce his arrival.

Dean perked right up, abandoning the bed that continued to vibrate thanks to the roll of quarters Dean had deposited into its magic fingers and Sam sighed, making a mental note to hide the rest of his change from his junky brother before he would have to perform an intervention. As it was, he was surprised that Dean left the bed at all and didn’t demand to have his food served to him on it as if Sam was his damned personal butler or something.

“Damn, Sam … took you long enough. I’m starving.” Dean bitched.

“You’re always starving, Dean.” Sam grumbled, placing the bags on the table.

“That’s because you take so friggin’ long to get food. If you’d let me leave the room, I could get it myself, but no … I’m stuck here with my thumb up my ass …”

“You’re the one wanted by the FBI, Dean.” Sam reminded him, “You need to lay low at least for a few more days or would you rather be eating prison food for the next thirty years?

“At least they feed you at regular periods in the joint.” Dean grumbled.

“Just eat your damn food and quit complaining.”

Dean sat down at the table and dove into the burger bag, hardly taking the time to get the wrapper off before he shoved half of the burger in his mouth.

“mumumumum” Dean mumbled as he noisily ate. Bits of beef and bun flew out of his yapping jaw and Sam knew he was being obnoxious and eating like a pig just to piss him off.

Sam grimaced at Dean’s display of manners or lack thereof, “Dude … gross.”

Dean smiled with his mouth full as a chipmunk and continued to contentedly enjoy his food while Sam walked over to the mini-fridge that was stocked only with condiments. He pushed aside the ketchup and horseradish sauce then grabbed the bottle of mayo.

If there was one thing that made burger worth eating in Sam’s opinion, it was a good, extra helping of mayonnaise. Dean didn’t care much for the stuff, but Sam loved how it mixed with the ketchup and mustard to give his beef patty a saucy, creamy texture. Most places didn’t put enough mayo on their burgers for him, so when he thought they might be stuck in a place for more than a few days he always made a point of buying a bottle for their room since at least one meal in their day tended to be take-out burgers.

Sam sat down and reached into his bag of food, pulled out his burger, un-wrapped it like a civilized human being and then took the top of the bun off. He popped open the top of the mayo and squeezed the bottle as he held it upside down, squirting a healthy measure to the top of the patty.

Dean was still chewing and watched with interest as Sam lifted the burger up to his mouth to take a bite.

In hindsight, Sam should have noticed the sly, glint of mischief in his brother’s eyes.

But he was too late and he had already started chewing on his food when his mouth exploded with fire. Spicy heat seared his taste-buds and he rather inelegantly spat his half-masticated food onto his wrapper before grabbing a napkin and hurriedly wiping the foul taste off of his tongue. He then reached for his soda just as quickly and drank half of it in one gulp, praying that it might take away some of the burning taste in his mouth.

All the while Dean was laughing hysterically, his eyes watering and dropping tears of mirth onto his face.

“Oh … Sammy … that was priceless. Your face …” Dean was turning red in the face, hardly able to breathe as he kept laughing.

“What’d you do, you ass-munching jerk?” Sam wheezed angrily once he was able to catch his breath and speak again.

Dean tried to explain between his uncontrollable giggles, “You … mayo … s’not mayo … s’horseradish sauce… switched ‘em …“Dean’s guffaws only got more ridiculous after that, “You fell so hard for it.”

Sam didn’t care if he pulled the mother of all bitchfaces while Dean grabbed his side and kept laughing because he was too pissed – mostly at himself since he should have seen this coming. Dean had been cooped up inside for days with only magic fingers for company while Sam was out researching – he knew what boredom did to Dean and it usually involved his little brother being on the receiving end of some kind of stupid prank.

Well, two could play that game, Sam thought, his mind turning over possible ways to retaliate.

Yes … Dean may have fired the opening salvo in this war, but Sam would get him back … somehow …someway, and sometime when he least expected it.


Sam was already up and out of the room when Dean woke up the next morning.

He rolled over and found a note his brother left next to his bed that explained that he had taken the car to go to the library and wouldn’t be back until lunch.

Dean sighed heavily. God, he was bored and facing another day stuck in that shitty motel room was not something he was looking forward to.

Well … at least he had the magic fingers …

Dean reached for the quarters he had lying on the nightstand next to the machine, grabbed a couple and then slipped them into the slot one at a time.

He waited for the comforting hum of the machine to start up.

And waited and waited.

But nothing happened.

He smacked the box a couple of times, but still it would not start up.

Grumbling and growling, Dean leaned his head over the edge of the bed to see if it might have come unplugged and he swore as soon as his eyes landed on the cord.

The damned thing had been cut clean in half and he knew right away that it wasn’t a mouse that had chewed through it – it was a pissy sasquatch of a brother that did this.

“Sam! You little bitch!”

To Be Continued ...

Part 2 of the Prank Wars challenge by monicawoe continues here:

Tags: dean, sam, supernatural

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